with apologies to Leonard Cohen
Come, my sisters and brothers,
let us govern Britain,
let us apply our best minds,
let us discharge sewage in Downing Street,
let us make the Lords a torture chamber
until – one by one – they all confess,
let us purge the Labour Party,
let us make Europeans speak English
not only here but everywhere,
let us promote the dark races
so – when they take control –
they shall be magnanimous,
let us make content for TikTok,
let us all be tourists,
let us float across the Channel on a Li-Lo,
let us whisper sweet nothings to the enemy,
let us cast bullets in men’s sheds,
let us sell Irn-Bru to the Third World,
(Do they know three of our national leaders were women?)
let us terrorise our colonies,
let us merge republican with royalist,
let us not show a white flag,
let us demand a written constitution
sponsored by Bet365,
with prize for the most ground-breaking suggestion,
let us threaten to join the U.S.A.
then chicken out in the nick of time,
my sisters and brothers, come,
our best minds are waiting for us
like sleeping bags abandoned in shop doorways,
let us give them purpose soon,
let us keep a world-leading silence
beside the Thames.
v. 2024
